The Last Surgery
Since this surgery is very similar to the last surgery, I can’t help comparing the two. I talk about it with my families and nurses. But my whole inner dialog changed yesterday and it dawned on me why the one three years ago was misery wrapped in a blanket of misery and this one hasn’t been so horrible. To put it shortly – pain killers / opioids.
the whole time I’ve been here, yes the pain has been bad, but I’ve actually slept and constantly felt on the verge of dozing off. I even discussed the issue with my surgeons if it was the epidural since the last used a pain ball. They thought it was probably just stress. But yesterday, they wanted to wean me off the pain killers and so the pain would creep in. I found myself gritting my teeth and clenching my fists and I was suddenly taken back. That’s exactly how I felt the whole time I was at the U which is why I didn’t sleep. I used to think partially along the lines of the docs – it must have been anxiety with pain, alarms, uncomfortable bed. Yeah, I was battling a much worse infection, yeah I had been intubated and on a respirator for over a week. But yesterday, I felt the same crushing grip seize my body, I finally asked for pain meds. I suddenly relaxed and started dozing off. Duh.
I even did a joke about it a couple years ago.
At the U they would ask me to rate my pain and told me they could only give me Tylenol unless I was dying, even then, there were times where I was in tremendous pain and they would offer me two Tylenol. I can laugh about the absurdity after the fact, but it made the whole experience just surreal and unimaginably more difficult that apparently it needed to be. See the previous read on lack of sleep.
So in their quest to participate in reducing opioid abuse, they straight up deny pain killers to people who legitimately need them? That was insane. I’m just kind of laying here as I write this in a loss for words. I mean that experience was such a nightmare I had PTSD about hospitals for a long time and as I wrote a few days ago, I still have it. And it was all because of some righteous quest to participate in some stupid anti-abuse campaign. What a bunch of Bull Shit. Thank god I came to this hospital this go round, I kept trying to decide whether to check in at the U, but I’ll admit, I was scared, then it became an emergency. The people at Timpanogas Hospital have been amazing. It’s still had it’s fair share of trauma, but this hasn’t exactly been a day at the spa.